Sunday, December 5, 2010
I spent the better part of my life believing strongly in a religion. Defiled repeatedly by self loathing and a reckless disregard for fellow man; I cleaved to my religiosity as a child clings to a baby blanket (transitional object) for comfort. I affirmed my loyalty and devotion to "the church" rebuking my sinfulness ever attempting to distance myself from my personal disgust and failings. This fervor was simply a way of strong arming my passions (vices) and imposing my rigid worldview concerning morality on others.
Religiosity is the very construct that the mind imposes on faith, on belief and on others. It is imposing ourselves on God by our limited understanding through the minds eye. The fall concerned itself more with giving the mind independence from the heart wisdom forsaken for linear knowledge. The abandonment of wisdom which is a function of the heart or nous which was in constant communion koinonia with God and which now is exiled by the mind. The mind is self serving, narcissistic and fearful while the heart is communal, endearing and not defensive.
I have spent my life pursuing knowledge and acting in defense of my ego and sense of individuality which has left my existential self in the place of nothingness. If I go into my heart my nous and live in the moment which is not relegated to the past or the future but in true existence and being or becoming then I (WE) can commune with God the person; not the impersonal force or 'act of nature'.
I don't have to impose my worldview on anyone else of any persuasion because I don't have to be right. We don't have to wage war on the world religions, sects, denominations, peoples, cultures, genders, orientations or vocations. I only have to bring myself to the now and listen and commune. I'm sorry that I have so poorly instructed and conveyed Orthodoxy, the Great Faith, to my friends, family and the community at large. I practice a structured belief system who accepts, even welcomes, the Mystery of God and who has established a venue to meet Him in our hearts the place of the publican. Humility in private devotion. Wholly personal and sublime.