Sunday, March 20, 2011
the omnipresence of God and alienation
This theme has been surfacing a lot during Lent. The conviction on the omnipresence of God is a deep consolation and abiding comfort which often can only be understood as an act of faith as it were. There are times when we all have an inability to relate, connect or feel imbued with His presence even during a formal service. While discipleship is a constant goal in life it can be derailed only by my own ineptitude or fatigue. I am learning in praxis the value of vigils and fasts but am grossly lazy.
God is everywhere and fillest all things at all times TRUE but it is in relation to His nature and not mine. He is inaccessible at times because I am unable to find Him within me buried beneath shortsightedness and sin. Prayer fatigue or attention deficit disorder of the major kind. So far removed from my original state that I could confuse this detachment as part of my true nature. This is a very common condition which is why I share it in this forum. I don't find it rational to pressume that talking aloud to God in my car that I am actually connecting with God. it seems more like a talking to myself in fact to think otherwise seems anthropocentric (and delusional) as if God exists in relation to me. I see God around me but not in me always. To experience and acknowledge these thoughts of alienation is to begin to persue a prayerful watch. I try to attach myself to Him and dedicate myself to His church but I don't feel Him in the objective sense as readily as I would like. I have come to believe that there is a distinction between a preoccupation and a relationship. Now I think I know that prayer is not by nature emotive but from whence comes the confirmation that I have indeed gone out to meet Him? This is not about doubt it is about process.