Affect Flat Mood Blunted

Emotional deadening is a real phenomena. It exemplifies the individuals inability to register concise thoughts, to brainstorm or process solutions and ultimately to feel emotion. The absence of empathy is not the result of insensitivity but hyper-sensitivity.

It represents an emotional overload. To over state the case, it is like an 'acute' episode of Aspergers Syndrome in an otherwise healthy individual who sorely lacks the ability to process information, to organized data and appropriately integrate emotional responses which significantly jeopardized functioning. Emotional supplies are depleted and the strength of the ego defenses are reduced to base functioning. There is little room for personal choice and all efforts for the survival of mental facilities seems to determine the course. Recourse is dominated with reactive deflections from perceived indictments and a barrage of disparaging remarks. Saturated synapses produce the perfect conditions for paralysis where irrationality abounds.

The deadening of our resolve and enthusiasm is unavoidable. A tsunami of personal crisis decompensation is of a seismic proportion and is decimating. Relationships erode and hope dissipates it will require a nuclear option to blast the culture of learned helplessness. Irrationality replaces sound thinking as alternate and insoluble solutions which are haphazardly applied in  faulty attempts to try something. That something often exacerbates an already tenuous situation which is developing into a spiritual syndrome.

On the Road to Marathon and Damascus

Dead legs is a condition where despite all the will in the world your legs won’t run; the turnover rate is at a virtual standstill. In a Marathon it is the infamous Wall. During prolonged exertion mental fatigue erodes focus, fuel stores are depleted and lactic acid builds up; resulting in the seizing of the muscles. The demanding nature of endurance events are that ultimately they overwhelm the body’s ability to recover from the ongoing workload and are so taxing that cognition becomes compromised resulting in confusion and poor form. This is precisely the point of your epiphany. When you have spent all that you have and continue to endure the hardship and continue the course.

If such adventures are not approached with a serious plan and if you foolishly get over zealous you will come up short. To use an example from the Bible if like the Foolish Virgins, set out too quickly or attempt to tackle too much you will run out of oil. Train too little and take your preparation too lightly and you come up short; overtrain and you get injured. On race day, should you abandon your plan, and let your emotions run the race, you will hit the Wall guaranteed.

Our spiritual journey which begins with our soul and engages our body requires the same plan discipline and effort. It is good spiritually to make pilgrimages to the monasteries if we can and to read Patristic writings but to attempt to artificially induce or replicate their lifestyle is prideful, unrealistic and destined to bring failure. There is no hocus pocus remedy to running a Marathon or becoming perfected spiritually as it were. There are natural limits precisely because it is a natural process. There is a road map and regime for spiritual awakening also. Even when addressing Paul’s Damascus moment we must remember he did not just head back out and preach Christ Crucified. Even then we must further consider that Paul was no ordinary man he was an Olympian of his faith and was simply doing a course correction. He had already been purified but now was being illuminated.

The Ten Virgins are a great example of this point: all ten were chaste; committed; training and seeking; but the Foolish Virgins didn’t choose the plan that would keep their oil burning long enough. It is not clear whether they trained too little or ran out too quickly on race day as it were. Additionally The Wise could not simply give their own share; it is understood this is a journey we do as individuals. We can train together, we can enter an event together and run the same course but we must each find out way. If through misguided zeal you set out too fast and don’t pace yourself with the Holy Spirit  Who knows what you can do and in what time; you will burn out and get dejected. At the beginning and even in the middle of your event you will have a false sense of accomplishment and confidence only to hit the wall at mile 20 or 22 and lose what you thought you gained and more. Learn well the road to Damascus is very much like the road to Marathon.

Broken and Bruised

It is when we can't recognize the brokenness in us that we become sick. Gossip functions as a bi product of affluent living. There is a luxury associated with the condition.

i muddied my statement as i was reflecting how how civilizations are developed.

We are all plagued with such introspective waste. There is a distinct difference between pastoral guidance and clinical practice. The qualifications are different, as are the professionals and the context of the work. Clinical work is an ongoing process and requires regular counsel. Never attach person to a diagnosis as it becomes a source of anxiety and pain for the individual. Deal rather with the person in the proper environment including how the person integrates such information. In clinical practice there is the practical matter of payment for services rendered but they are of no consequence to treatment save underwriting the financial burden. When pasturing or consulting there is no need for a diagnosis but there is a real need to be aware of the various conditions and subset of conditions. With consulting and pasturing there is no clinical barrier there is just the journey. Depression seems to be a pandemic in the states but in fact it is endemic in our society. It functions as a disease and a bi product of affluent living. There is a luxury associated with the condition. The isolation and fractured existence of individuals removed from a community creates existential anxiety. Communal life and even parish life is a way of controlling the existential anxiety: isolation from others opens the individual to many malformities which include, meaningless, alienation, purposelessness, pain as an inevitability. We are all plagued with such introspective waste.

Depression is expected to cover an enormous range is it acute or chronic. Is it a normal malaise or is it more conditional. There is a normal reaction to certain events like death. Transitional periods like grief resolve itself over time. If there is no disruption in the course of the life of the person then its more organic or a learned condition. Clinically it is taken for granted that it is organic but that is a huge 'leap of faith'. It is maintained that medications can manipulate the problem. Medication or self medicating is a natural result of this thinking. Psychotropics do not cure the condition but rid the person of the symptoms. The symptom however can be helpful to the person because it forced there hand to deal with the condition. Removing the emotional pain is not the cure or answer. Think and heal the cause of the pain root out the cause. Get the message and then do something about it. Removing the thorn is not the answer to what really ails the person. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel drives the methodology of the diagnosis and therefore drives treatment. There is the debate over the actual conditions sited. if the conditions are so pervasive that the larger population has it then you are not describing illness but sociological conditions or state or characteristics. Lethargic heaviness or slothfulness, laziness is the dominant factor of depression. people in their right mind do seek help. it's when you fail to recognize the need for intervention that you are out of your mind. substance is often lacking but the need to incite attention is present for them. they are not anchored. medication can normalise the pendulum and reduce the swing. then intervention is more possible. demonstration measurement: proof. Depressed people lack motivation to cure themselves. The chasm between the mind and the heart is to pray. We are broken but we are glorious.

(This is largely the influence and brain child of Abbot Meletios. I need to basically insert entire entry into one footnote. This is like a humble summary of this subject.)

Terms Every Orthodox Christian Should Know

Orthodox living requires a basic understanding of how we work out our salvation. It is about our journey closer to God.

The word fortitude is tossed about so casually I don't think it means what most people think it means. The epistles teach us that we need to approach our discipleship with fortitude. is is not to be confused with a mere stubbornness or a spoken intent to consistently associate oneself with Christ or to agree to a philosophical ideal.

Fortitude an inner determination and external committment which require strength, courage, loyalty, dedication, and endurance to remain steadfast in difficult and painful circumstances. It is the willingness to participate fully in the vocation of Christian discipleship, as a slave or bond servant. Like our Savior who set the standard for Christian fortitude he submitted to the savagery, scorn and torture of the Cross. It is a forfeiture of ease for the way of the Cross.

Now endurance is another term that has been so secularized that it has lost its intent also. Endurance speaks to the very core, constitution or construct of a person, not “desire” necessarily, to push through and to bear hardship. It refers in many ways to the tolerance for prolonged exertion pain and hardship. It refers to the ability and willingness of the individual to survive despite the personal cost or liability. It is the manner in which one accepts and manages the ravages of commitment and circumstance. This acceptance to endure what must occur is also demonstrated by our Lord on His way to Golgotha. The Via Dolorosa is a perfect and whole example of how we must endure every humiliation, every trial, every pain and get up even when we fall. I would also humbly point out that it must have pained our Lord perhaps even more so, to endure when He accepted the absolute the confines of flesh during the Incarnation.

Stamina describes a type of strength, energy or resistance to discomfort. It may be equately with grace which can be multiplied. By increasing one’s willingness to endure we are graced with a higher threashold before discomfort begins, before fatigue or exertion wreaks havoc and this is stamina.  Unlike endurance, stamina refers to an abiding aptitude and energy an enduring persistence or talent.

W can increase our talents by increasing stamina. This innate tolerance and regeneration is what creates the ease and grace in which some can do extraordinary feats. There is a perpetual and simultaneous rejuvenation for those who are endowed with a healthy generous dose of stamina. We capitalize on our stamina with effort with consistency seeking to expend effort on improving endurance and fortitude which is character building.

Refer yet again to our Lord and Savior who was arguably endowed by His very nature, the duality and perfect synergy of His two natures to have the greatest ‘amount’ of innate ability and stamina. Yet he too in His humanity had to indure anquish as He sweat blood on the eve of His arrest and prayed for His disciples and all who believe. Our Lord demonstrated perfectly the synergy of stamina, fortitude and endurance to tolerate prolonged hardship, pain, disappointment, temptation and torture whether in the desert or on the Cross for us all.

On the road to salvation there is an inseparable integration of these terms and characteristics. They are inseparable because of the interplay and interdependence of one with the other. They should not be conflated or confused and I pray I haven't done so here because of my own lacking and ignorance. We are each given a talent an amount and it varies that can be equated with stamina but we are all called to increase our talent and not to bury or squander it.

While actively studying Karate the motto was simple “Hard work beats talent when talent quits working hard”. I think it speaks well to this point. When building one’s increase it is uncomfortable and takes ‘sweat equity’ or labor. When we stretch beyond our former limits we establish new thresholds new horizons and create a more complete reality for ourselves. Our ability to mitigate strife and difficulty improves and therefore our endurance is elongated and extended. These positive outcomes often are the very stepping stones which were once stumbling blocks. They influence our thinking, feeling and belief. Our fortitude is thereby exponentially increased.

Orthodoxy, correct living, in this context is a pragmatic extension of the lessons of Saint Paul that we are essentially and in reality forging our salvation despite our iniquity but in the furnace of purification. It is a furnace the climate and environment is not hospitable. We may lament our turmoil the injustice the shame but we move forward amputating or pruning what is not useful or hurtful and making room in our lives for the blessings and holiness of God. Our Lord in Chapter 17 of the Gospel According to John states that he does not wish us to be taken out of the world but that we should be kept from evil. We are here to work out our salvation move through our journey in this life time. Remember also that we are already in eternity.

Today was a good day. Do you ever have good days i most certainly hope so. What made today so lovely was that I am moving through some obsticals I've had

Depression

Logosimi can snuff out all enthusiasm, will cast dispersions on our brother while casting a huge shadow of doubt.  True psychic pain, feels like saddness, desperation, ineptitude and loss.  

Moments become extended periods which result in years where we  feel cloaked in failure. There is a paranoia which affixes itself to the schema of the mind systematically and efficiently eats away at self-worth and confidence.

Every event needlessly becomes a litmus test of  God's interest and concern, our perceived ability, credibility and self-worth. Ironically most 'events' do not confirm or deny, correspond or correlate  whatever with our real or imagined internal or cosmic struggle.

This artificial testing ground become fertile soil for insecurity, self-doubt, dissatisfaction, isolation and rejection. Anticipatory anxiety feeds the beast stealing even moments of reprieve which later only seem to mock hope. Feelings of dejection snowball and anxiety flourishes. By definition anxiety is a free floating fear which has no root, is irrational,  having  no place and yet expelling it from the garden of our hearts is virtually impossible.

We become the Emperor with our 'new clothes'. Rashly discarding our competence, confidence and unique skill set for neurosis which  is keenly aware of the snickering, murmuring and ridicule. We become darkened and sullied, devoid of skill and without accolades.



Theology As A Gift

The essential life is the reunification of man with God. Not god who is fashioned from mankind's  need and thereby a creation of man. Neither should this reunification be a superstitious and legalistic endeavor to meet the requirements  a strict moral codex or ritualistic statutes in which we commit to an external compliance replete with disdain for our brother.  The New Testament is full of reference which cautions this type of empty compliance and the pitfalls legalism. 

Many individuals, sects, world religions and Christian denominations (whatever they are) seek to determine what Christianity is and most get it wrong; plain and simple. They reduce and bind God to a religion, a philosophy or an ideal of good intention; but Christianity is the revelation of Christ to us and it is our reconciliation with God. It is not a feel good love fest, pep rally, nor is it a geopolitical movement; rather we are clothed with the very armor of Christ. We seek to unite with our God who desires our healing and a vibrant relationship with each of us.

There is no evidence that the Holy Spirit will inject Himself in the heart of an unwelcoming host. Our relationship with God is very much a cooperative effort.  When we seek we shall find, ask and it shall be given, knock and it shall be opened to us (New Testament) By our very action through praxis which is very much tangible and attainable, the power of God enters into our lives. To assume to understand theology without practice is to understand nothing. It is actually more harmful then nothing it is delusional.

Theology is not just another scholastic exercise learned by rote or traditional methods like mathematics. It is a Gift of the Holy Spirit (see St. Paul) given to those who are identified by their Chrismation and are being purified and who focus on the inner life. If we believe the Church fathers then it is not taught by these tele-evangelists on Trinity Broadcasting not by national 'icons' like Billy Grahm or End Time preachers like Benny Hinn. We are cautioned by St. Maximus and St. Thalassios (etc.) that theology is not a worldly wisdom but a spiritual wisdom and discernment which the Holy Spirit gives as revelations from God. Theology and understanding is not the result of a great intellect or persuasive speech (see St. Paul).

Those of us who are not Saints and are not yet perfected must at least be on the path to purification and healing. Humility and determination when coupled with a competent spiritual guide will help us to approach the Chalice with some hope of Salvation and not to condemnation. To state the truth plainly is not to insult or to boast about my own progress as that would be a farce. These are merely observations that I have made through my journey these almost 43 years.

This experiment in running which I write so much about and which I invest so much of my time in; is an attempt to concretely put into practice our Holy Traditions and Biblical Principles. It is not an exercise in physical prowess or a serious interest in my health but a way of using the body to bend the will; to find spiritual enlightenment. The Holies (Saints) of God who through their own purification and deification lead us by the hand, encourage and guide us on our own journey.

We are journeymen who are homeward bound. That is Theology which is a gift of the Holy Spirit not an academic exercise.