Today was a good day. Do you ever have good days i most certainly hope so. What made today so lovely was that I am moving through some obsticals I've had

Depression

Logosimi can snuff out all enthusiasm, will cast dispersions on our brother while casting a huge shadow of doubt.  True psychic pain, feels like saddness, desperation, ineptitude and loss.  

Moments become extended periods which result in years where we  feel cloaked in failure. There is a paranoia which affixes itself to the schema of the mind systematically and efficiently eats away at self-worth and confidence.

Every event needlessly becomes a litmus test of  God's interest and concern, our perceived ability, credibility and self-worth. Ironically most 'events' do not confirm or deny, correspond or correlate  whatever with our real or imagined internal or cosmic struggle.

This artificial testing ground become fertile soil for insecurity, self-doubt, dissatisfaction, isolation and rejection. Anticipatory anxiety feeds the beast stealing even moments of reprieve which later only seem to mock hope. Feelings of dejection snowball and anxiety flourishes. By definition anxiety is a free floating fear which has no root, is irrational,  having  no place and yet expelling it from the garden of our hearts is virtually impossible.

We become the Emperor with our 'new clothes'. Rashly discarding our competence, confidence and unique skill set for neurosis which  is keenly aware of the snickering, murmuring and ridicule. We become darkened and sullied, devoid of skill and without accolades.



Theology As A Gift

The essential life is the reunification of man with God. Not god who is fashioned from mankind's  need and thereby a creation of man. Neither should this reunification be a superstitious and legalistic endeavor to meet the requirements  a strict moral codex or ritualistic statutes in which we commit to an external compliance replete with disdain for our brother.  The New Testament is full of reference which cautions this type of empty compliance and the pitfalls legalism. 

Many individuals, sects, world religions and Christian denominations (whatever they are) seek to determine what Christianity is and most get it wrong; plain and simple. They reduce and bind God to a religion, a philosophy or an ideal of good intention; but Christianity is the revelation of Christ to us and it is our reconciliation with God. It is not a feel good love fest, pep rally, nor is it a geopolitical movement; rather we are clothed with the very armor of Christ. We seek to unite with our God who desires our healing and a vibrant relationship with each of us.

There is no evidence that the Holy Spirit will inject Himself in the heart of an unwelcoming host. Our relationship with God is very much a cooperative effort.  When we seek we shall find, ask and it shall be given, knock and it shall be opened to us (New Testament) By our very action through praxis which is very much tangible and attainable, the power of God enters into our lives. To assume to understand theology without practice is to understand nothing. It is actually more harmful then nothing it is delusional.

Theology is not just another scholastic exercise learned by rote or traditional methods like mathematics. It is a Gift of the Holy Spirit (see St. Paul) given to those who are identified by their Chrismation and are being purified and who focus on the inner life. If we believe the Church fathers then it is not taught by these tele-evangelists on Trinity Broadcasting not by national 'icons' like Billy Grahm or End Time preachers like Benny Hinn. We are cautioned by St. Maximus and St. Thalassios (etc.) that theology is not a worldly wisdom but a spiritual wisdom and discernment which the Holy Spirit gives as revelations from God. Theology and understanding is not the result of a great intellect or persuasive speech (see St. Paul).

Those of us who are not Saints and are not yet perfected must at least be on the path to purification and healing. Humility and determination when coupled with a competent spiritual guide will help us to approach the Chalice with some hope of Salvation and not to condemnation. To state the truth plainly is not to insult or to boast about my own progress as that would be a farce. These are merely observations that I have made through my journey these almost 43 years.

This experiment in running which I write so much about and which I invest so much of my time in; is an attempt to concretely put into practice our Holy Traditions and Biblical Principles. It is not an exercise in physical prowess or a serious interest in my health but a way of using the body to bend the will; to find spiritual enlightenment. The Holies (Saints) of God who through their own purification and deification lead us by the hand, encourage and guide us on our own journey.

We are journeymen who are homeward bound. That is Theology which is a gift of the Holy Spirit not an academic exercise.

Poetic License Revisits Orthopraxis

Poetic License Revisits Orthopraxis

Orthodoxia is abstract

Orthopraxis is tangible.

The seamless, the timeless

the very constant of me.

The immaterial essence of self.

It is not ego, per say

It’s the intersection of the soul

and the construct of the mind.

Our body the time portal

contains our memories

and interfaces with the world.

It is the where we are called

within the confines of this life

where we work out our place

within the Kingdom.

Disappointment the Identifiable Anguish

Agiographios Elias Damianakis
Archon Maestor of the Holy & Great Church of Christ

Life is replete with struggle, obstacles and even suffering. Often times the difficulty we face comes from our own doing or undoing. Disappointment and uncertainty bear an identifiable anguish that if left to grow can erode hope and confidence that a resolution is at hand. Understand that our Lord cautioned that we would have adversity and tribulation in this life but to take comfort that He (our Lord) has overcome the world.

Strife and anxiety can muddy the waters and cloud judgement. This can lead us off on red herrings and roundabouts delaying our arrival and even creating insurmountable obstacles by not learning or heeding lessons. Pride and self doubt are odd bed fellows. Humility, patience and faith will expand our vision, refine our judgment and determine the correct course. Enduring the process of healing and growing will yield unknowable blessings and solutions which sometimes are only perceptible after the fact.

Tending to Details

Tending to the details of life are necessary opportunities not dismal obligations. At the onset this is painfully hidden and many get sidetracked and find they have detoured. Expanding lessons from the all the training is more to the point then apparent when logging miles. Dispensing with the vicious approach avoidance cycle is paramount when desiring a more wonderfully enriching life.

The wonder is in the details and making projects your own. I have spent consecutive days following through on the tasks which have been derailed by laziness and avoidance. I was amazed repeatedly the progress and movement that is made by consistent effort and labor. Small tasks have an impact over time. For example stringing together many short runs builds the base which makes long runs possible.

Remember to cense your house to bless your family to pray. I have spent a few moments each day with my three year old blessing one another. I prayed evening prayers tonight alone in my chapel and I called to mind through the structure of the designated prayers to invoke the assistance of the Holy Trinity, the Theotokos, the angels, Saint John Chrysostom, Gregory the Theologian, Nicholas the Wonder worker, John the Baptist, the Apostles, the Female martyrs, myrhbearers and virgins, angelic hosts, the ascetics and Prophets etc. and so the list went on and on. The effect was that I was increasingly more aware that I prayed in concert with the Church Triumphant. Each became humbly approachable and wholly personal to me like physicians awaiting to hear my symptoms and heartache.

I was reminded how organic the Church is and how we are interconnected one with another a true body with Christ the Bridegroom as the head. It is enough for me to know that although I pray privately within my heart but I am never alone.

Heeding My Own Advice How Sweet It Is

I have continued on the course set before me commit to do what makes life good. I did some writing in the morning with my coffee and running after dinner. This was the first running since the marathon last Sunday and it was exactly as it should be. I couldn't resist thinking about what is acceptable weekly mileage.

It is amazing how a healthy does of industriousness energizes. Sleep is a blessing when it comes at night but sleep during the day makes one tired and sluggish. I spent the remainder of the day working on the stuff that sometimes get moved to another time. The family chapel was top priority today and Saint Anthony the Great weighed on my heart. The chapel which is now suited to prayer and privacy is sweet to the eyes and the heart. It is the first room to the left when you enter the house and it lets all who enter "As for me and my house we shall serve the Lord".

The hall closet even got an overhaul and the tapestry from Brussels was finally mounted. The kids did their fare share. After a good days where I called them to the front door and we looked into our home into the chapel and the formal room then we walked on to  the family room, the kitchen, "running central" (the treadmill room), the screen room and even the water closet. The downstairs (with the exception of the garage and storage room) was attended to.

This was not all butterflies and pixie dust there was shouting,  bickering and some resistance but in the end all turn out well and we feasted on a fantastic dinner made by Elias and Euphemia. Although I don't think they would voluntarily sign up for warrior weekend projects they did confirm how the house was welcoming and how we felt relaxed and had an openness about us which had been absent since the holidays. 

 Life can be turbulent and really good.